So there we are dancing in front of the horse at P's wedding. Milan, Raj, Kiran, Amit and myself are all getting into the groove, Milan in particular (dude's moonwalking down the street) when all of a sudden it all stops. Now I should explain what's going on here.

We are all in India, to celebrate Mr P's wedding. It is actually the day of the wedding and the tradition is for the groom to ride a horse from his village to the girl's village, with his family and friends dancing all the way to that village. So that is what we were doing, good old fashioned, traditional, dancing in front of a horse. P looked nervous up there, constantly pulling aside the curtains that were attached to his turban, hoping the horse wouldn't bolt, rear up or take a dump on those walking behind it.

As I said before, we were getting into the groove, when the band stops playing, P gets off the horse, and everybody bundles into cars and jets off down the road. Milan is still moonwalking down the road at this point and needs to be alerted to the situation. He runs back the 500 yards, and says 'what happened to the wedding?'

Amit spots a couple of spaces in one of the remaining cars so, Milan, Kiran and himself jump into the last transport. Raj and myself are now left almost all alone, except for the street kid who is staring at us, as is a goat and 2 chickens. This is unfortunate! None of us say anything, we wait in silence. Glancing from side to side, hoping someone will come back for us. No one does. 'This kid needs to go up there and get someone to send a car for us,' Raj says. He goes up to the kid and tries to explain to the gormless looking child the situation. I hear words such as, 'Its gotta be done,' and 'Basically'

Dave as I will now refer to him, (because from this point onwards he turns into his alter ego 'Dave El Clutz') is talking to the kid. I hear and then see a scooter in the distance. It approaches pretty quickly and I flag it down. A brief conversation later, Dave and myself have secured a ride to the wedding.... on a 1965 Bajaj scooter.

Hurtling down the road, we feel as if no one can stop us. The rider is at the front, I'm behind him figuring out where to put my hands, and Dave is sitting high on the spare wheel behind me, holding onto my head! Flying down the road, we hit a speed bump and are airborne for a second, followed by a heavy landing and another sudden stop. Indians don't really slow down, it takes too long and is a waste of time, they simply stop!

The rider, turns to me and asks me to check the rear wheel. I turn to Dave and tell him to check the rear wheel. Dave swings his left leg high and around the scooter to get off. I am staring down to my right, when I hear this HUGE, HUGE, HUGE thud. I turn around and look over my left shoulder, to see a cow stumbling in the road. For a moment I am confused, then stare round at Dave, who is almost in shock, eyes-wide staring at the cow, who is trying to prop itself up against the wall.

In India, the cow is sacred. Especially to the Hindus of which they make up some 90% of the population. Cars, stop and wait for wandering buffalo to cross roads. Here, we have Dave, of bleeding Dartford, who has just drop-kicked a cow in the HEAD! All this time, the Rider is facing straight ahead, with his helmet on.

Dave realising what he's done starts to break into laughter. 'Dave get on quickly you clutz' . I tap the guy on the shoulder and we're off. On the way we try and take a picture on the move, one of which the rider takes off his helmet, combs his hair and flashes a brown-stained smile at the camera.

We ride into the awaiting party as heroes... sharing a noble, rusty steed. P gets back on the horse, we start dancing, Milan starts Micheal Jacksoning and we enter the wedding venue.

There is a sad ending to this story. Because of Raj Dave Singh's disregard for Hindu belief and all that is sacred, we are cursed and lose the camera film containing our adventure. It was all Daves fault! hahahahaha